| ATTN: ALL FRIENDS! |
[25 Aug 2002|10:42pm] |
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I will be deleting my journal, and it will remain deleted for about 30 days! From then I will re activate it, but in the meantime. When i come back I'm cleaning up my friends list, and will start updating frequently. If you'd like to remain on the list, please leave a comment! If not, I'll take you off *unless i like reading ur LJ anyway*...yeh, but ill delete the journal september fourth! but remember my ujournal account will be available to all of you!!! so yey. lol ;D
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[25 Aug 2002|09:48pm] |
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im considering deleting this journal, recovering it, and starting all over. keepin all the same friends and everything, but i've been too *blah* to really update and i update my ujournal a lot more, but its all the same. i just havent been on the computer much lately. so yeh, lol it might happen soon! ;D
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| Before I die... |
[02 Aug 2002|10:37pm] |
What I plan to do.. (in no particular order)
-Take that one person in my life that I happen to love, that one significant other in my life, and serenade that person with a song that fully expresses my emotions and everything that could possibly symbolize all those corny mushy things that exist between us two, one that can capture every possible emotion, all the obstacles overcome (if any), and all the happiness that we have been lucky enough to share with each other. Just to sit that person down, and explain it in a song, and have it all told, and then to just hold each other, embracing the moment, and hoping that...it doesn't die.
-Lose weight, and gain confidence. Learn to love myself in the process, and learn that no weight range could possibly mean happiness, unless I love myself enough, and know that in the end, it's not my size, or my height, or my looks, it's the fact that I'm comfortable with myself, because I have to live with myself and MY decisions, so in the end, I just need to find a way to gain confidence, and if it's losing weight, or learning how to love myself, then so it be. But as long as I am happy in the process.
-Submit my poetry, or create a collection of my poetry, and have my work be published, and hope that one poem has atleast affect one person out there, and if not, hope that in it's creation, I have learned and have been affected by the experience of writing.
-To finally stop lying, to those I love, and those around me. To be able to tell the truth, blunt, harsh, the truth. No more lying, hiding, and backstabbing. No rumors, just tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing BUT the truth.
-Be brave enough to go bungee jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. Go sky diving, and para sailing.
-Spend atleast ONE day for each and every one of the persons in my life that have somehow deeply affected me in one way or another, and those people I care about. Spend a day with one person, and have fun, and make sure they know how much I appreciate them in my life, how much I love them, and need them. So that in the end, I won't have to worry about those who I didn't tell, but glad that I was able to tell them.
-Spend one whole day of my life without running away from problems, no regrets, and spend the whole day "worry-free", and not self-conscious. and hope I slow down, and learn that by moving fast, and going quickly in life, sometimes you miss out on some of the most important lessons and simplicites of life.
-Be able to succeed, but not JUST to succeed, but succeed in my own eyes, to follow MY OWN definition of success. Not my family, not my friends, not my elders, but myself. In the end, I would only let them down, and most importantly, myself.
-Write a book. Self - explanatory.
-Have a girls night out. =D
Nonsense stuff I actually want to do
-Eat a whole corn on the cob kernel by kernel (I ALMOST did it ;D)
-Make love to two Japanese twins, ;)
-Become valedictorian
-Try out for a sport/keep up a hobby and not lose interest.
-Be good at one song on the guitar, and when I find that certain someone of my life, serenade them with it. (Goes along with the first one on the other list)
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I'm not too sure what else I want to add to this, any suggestions anyone? I'm open to ANY, any comments? anything? This is a sort-of serious list, I really want to do these before I pass away. (Hopefully a long time from now)... Well ;), laters.
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[31 Jul 2002|04:46pm] |
I haven't updated in here in awhile, or atleast meaningful or informing..or something. Anyway, what's new. I'm leaving tomorrow night, and I get to drive down the 5 back home. ;D. I'm a happy gal. So I'll be home August 2nd, I've had fun here, a lot. Didn't get to go to GA, but it's all good, I did other things. I went to the Metreon, thrice times! I usually only go two, but yeah. I saw an advanced screening of Goldmember (and the tickets to prove it), and Mr. Deeds (it was okay)...I met a person (lol), and yeah it was cool. But I miss Ryan, a lot more than I expected I would (or maybe not), and I'm just feeling really left out of some people's lives right now, I felt this earlier, and I thought it was okay again, but maybe I was wrong, and maybe I should let it go again and give it up like I did last time. It's just so confusing, I'm not too sure what to do about it, It's not even a real "situation", but maybe it is, just...hasn't been brought to my attention before, and it has, but I really didn't do much about it, and when I did, it worked, but the minute I stopped, it sinked right back. nevermind, this is a lot of mumbo jumbo. I've not much to say. I'ma break it down simply.
Im going to miss S.F.
I REALLY REALLY MISS RYAN
I miss everyone else too
I'm confused
I don't wanna leave her
But I want to go home
There was some drama, but it's fixed
I get to drive home ;D
I'm gonna miss BOOBS (lol..yeh its a nickname..shh lol)
Im gonna miss Smokey (a kitten)
...ah I'ma just miss a lot. I'm jus missin. Ah shit.
...ooh...and I'm PROCRASTINATING on my SUMMER READING MATERIAL!
That's about 3 books! Hot damn!
I'm going to go. In case you didn't know, travel type/new journal thing-> my ujournal
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[23 Jul 2002|09:26pm] |
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b2k - understanding |
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go vacations, you rock.
ah, im going to my aunts later tonite so check back and this entry will soon be editted FULL of shit (or maybe half full of shit..) not even shit, just stuff.
nevermind, ...awwww...lol kitten meowing. laters.
OoOh, well it's 7/24, ehe... I kind of got distracted playin' N64 with my nephew and cousin til 2:30 A.M., heh it's 1:37 A.M. here. So watsup? Well when I first got up here, we went to pick up Manuel (my nephew) and then I slept over at my brothers house, and for the first day or so I just stayed around before I went anywhere, and then on Sunday my friend Reymon and his girlfriend took me out to the Zoo, and I met his girlfriend's brother, and then we went to watch Mr. Deeds, then on Monday we went bowling and Malibu Castle... Were going to Great America this coming sunday also, so yeah..Um just been goin' around the city, spending lots of time with family, playing video games, just relaxing. I'm about to go out right now, so much for an update huh? Well, yeh...laters =)
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| ATTN: All Pet Owners =) |
[13 Jul 2002|01:45pm] |
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I have a kitten/cat (it's about 10 months old), and it's a very sheltered, homely, indoor cat, and I have a bit of a situation on my hands. Well, he is so sheltered not only does he fear the outdoor, he fears strangers period. Anyway, as I was saying. The family will be gone for a week sometime soon, our original plan was to take him to the dog & cat hospital, where they will keep him until needed, and it was going great...Until this morning. Well, the vet appointment was today, and this is only his second one, and we scared him a bit with the kennel, so I decided to hold him in my arms, and he went crazy in the car (before we even left!) he was just ramming himself into the windows, so we cancelled the appointment. We are now faced with a bit of a dilemma, what are we going to do? There is no way he is going to the vet for a week now, he'll be miserable, he barely meows, and he was practically crying this morning. Now he's in his hiding spot, scared to death. Were thinking about letting a friend come in to feed him, and everything. But, do you guys have any suggestions? An automatic food tray even? Don't they have those? I'll try almost anything, :-\ Poor cat... Well thanks much anyway. =)
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[10 Jul 2002|05:37pm] |
hey everyone! well, my site is complete ... *excludin one thing*
it'd be nice if u guys would visit, sign the gbook, or leave a comment on this post of some kind! that would be great, thanks. =D
(link will open in new window) clicky! thanks :-D
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[10 Jul 2002|01:56pm] |
According to our analysis, you are not currently pregnant. During your life, you'll have:
3 children.
Here are some stats about your next one:
Sex: female
Birth weight: 7 lbs. 5 oz.
Length at birth: 6 inches
Chance of mangling birth-defect: 10%
Most likely defect: no head
pwahahahahaa....
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| Pics! |
[03 Jul 2002|08:57pm] |
Well...yeh I finally fixed my scanner (with few technical difficulties..er..) So here's some pics... 8 in total (3 of my cat!) . Enjoy.
BTW: Few select entries will be public.
( Pics )
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[30 Jun 2002|10:09pm] |
All entries after this cannot be viewed.
I have decided to make this journal Friends - Only!
Just add me and I'll add you back.
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[29 Jun 2002|09:04pm] |
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I'm thinking about making this friends only...*pwahaha..*..
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[27 Jun 2002|11:02pm] |
Haven't written in here in awhile, I've actually have much to say, but not the words to say them. I find that frustrating. Well, lately, I've been in a weird mood, good and bad. Well ANYWAY, my new site, come look please I want to go to frisco right now, and move in like planned. Just for the summer of course, and sleep on the couch all summer. Oh yes.
I've been annoyed...oh yes, who isn't though. Well that's it. I thought I had something to say, then I figured..
I just had to say something.
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[25 Jun 2002|08:37pm] |
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Green Day - Brain Stew |
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I've been grounded since Friday, but I'm not tripping over a month, if anything I don't care. I have all this time to clean my room, I've been sucking up but it's a good thing, I'm getting back into cooking. It's more like probation anyway, he let me out today. ALTHOUGH he thought I was with Stephanie when I was chillin' with Tony. I went to his house at 8:30, played some ball from 9 to 12 *good pick up game, we won!*, then I stayed at his house til 1:30. I got home and I was talking to Stephanie, and I was in the recliner rocking back and forth, and watching TV. Maybe the combination caused somethind, cause I could feel a headache coming on. So I close the curtains to keep the sun out and watch ALI, no luck, it got worse, so I turned it to Little Women, and went to take a nap at the couch, wasn't successful on that one. So later when my dad came home, he said for me to go make some soup, and I just felt like I was going to hurl it right out, so I just threw the rest away, and took a nice ass nap in my room, damn it felt good, but I should've worn socks. *I can't sleep without socks no matter the weather* But yea, I woke up like 15 minutes ago, and I feel a lot better.
I sleep everything off, eh oh well. Okay, well I had a somewhat workout today, but I want to run, but the track was full of people, and it's like.."noo.." Lol.
I've still been thinkin' about, well yeah, lately and I swear it's driving me nuts. Especially that letter I keep hidden, it's like I want to give it to him so bad, but I know I can't because.. I just know. .. I'm also bugged out by this one thing that happened on the last day of school, it's been rackin' my brain as to "why?!" but I gotta just let it go, I mean I can't be too completely sure that he won't be here, but I can't be certain that he will be. If he is here, then I don't know, it's like...what am I going to do with myself? I hate the way it is now, it's all stupid and fugly. If I change it, I don't want to cause I'm scared of freaking hurting. I know I didn't really hurt from last time, but what do I say to him NOW?
Whatever, that probably made complete NONSENSE, but that's okay ... Well, I'm going to go relax.
SUMMER......stuff?!:
Oh YesS...
-clean and organize room, even re-do
-clean..clean..clean
-get back into playing guitar and PIANO *oy*
-lose SOME weight
-mend friendships
-get my ass up north... *hah*
-clean closet, new wardrobe
-don't sleep past 10 unless necessary
-get hair to stay RED more than 2 weeks max.
i'm kinda blank right now, i had a whole mess earlier..ah, brain fart.
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[22 Jun 2002|02:02pm] |
Eh. Life is okay.
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[21 Jun 2002|07:58am] |
Oh..and yeah he won't let me go to set up an appointment to take summer...telling me "You don't have to take it"..
Hell yeah I'm going to take it, that there .. school, the only thing I have left to be proud about, there's nothing else left for me.
I can't even like myself. I don't take pride in my family anymore. I'm no beauty queen. The only thing I have left are the grades, or proof...that there is something to me.
And if I'm somehow behind, I don't know how I'm going to be proud, but I'm N O T going to stick around this house and get any FATTER, and lonelier.
Maybe I'll just sneak out with david, he's willing to pick me up and go, and he says that I should and explain to my dad later. I just people would really understand, my dad is stubborn as fuck, yeah I know I can really twist him around my finger, but when it comes to me explaining..I don't know, it's kind of a lost thing. I'm probably going to spend most of my summer writing. In this, on paper, wherever else. Just..
I still don't want to be here.
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| I'm so stupid. That's it. |
[21 Jun 2002|07:42am] |
Last night...Unexplainable.
I went to our schools graduation, then towards the end, most of them were going to speedzone, and I had a chance to "tag along". So far so good, I call up Dad, and it's fine, then I tell him I won't be home til 12. Oops, no can't take that. I have to be home by 11.
We don't leave til around 8:45 to 9, we get there...9:30 or so, I don't get my one and only race in til around 10. Righteo, they all start racing, I call in my dad to tell him I might be a little late because of the other races.
I tell them, I have to go and I'm sorry... But no one listens, so I told myself, while I'm in shit, I guess I might as well have fun, because this is most likely my last night out...
I get home at 1, I listen to my voicemail, I was told clearly to.. "GET YOUR ASS HOME!"...I come home, and my dad doesn't believe that I was at speedzone, he calls it BULLSHIT, he hits the fuckin' door how many times? Slams it, and all that shit. I don't understand it, if he wants to hit something, I just wished he HIT ME. I cried my ass off all night, I kept going to his room saying I'm sorry, and he would just tell me to "GET OUT" and I can't go to sleep without my routine goodnight and etc. So he finally takes it...
I'm just so sorry that I'm such a pain in the ass...
so fuckin' mad at myself..ugh, I'm so stupid. Whatever. Now, the first day of summer..and guess what?
I think I'm grounded.
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[19 Jun 2002|06:52pm] |
( quiz results )
I'm so freaking bored, just kind of sitting here yanno? Well I wrote this letter to...BOY *ahem* (check past entries if you don't know..) and i want to give it to boy, but heh i'm scared, but it's nice finally letting most of it out. *whew*. Well. yep. Maybe I'll post it later..ONE MORE DAY OF SCHOOL, 2 finals down..one more to go.
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[18 Jun 2002|04:17pm] |
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Finals. I uno. Oy.
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